I Dare You to Drink the Vinegar

Each day I find myself increasingly dissatisfied with everything.  Right now I am watching Qiuncy , which if you do not know is an old tv show about a medical examiner (like orig Crossing Jordan I suppose). The episode is about a young adult that has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia who kills his family insighting a debate about how mental illness must be treated in accordance with the legal system. Whatever. As I watch this I realize that attitudes towards mental illness have not changed that much since the 1970s.  We think we've come a long way but there is still the same amount of stigma and misunderstanding attached to mental illness. This show is really about fear I suppose because it is a complete pile of bullshit that most schizophrenics have command hallucinations telling them to commit crimes such as murder which they compulsively follow. http://www.world-schizophrenia.org/   Blah blah blah blah.  This sucks.    Love,  Michelle D.

Kelly (my life partner) is in Calgary right now on business.  We live in Vancouver. I am sitting alone in a cold apartment watching the local news with a feeling of intense sadness is my heart related to mostly PMS but also partly feeling inadeqeute for not being able to force myself to finish my masters thesis and partly because I really miss my family right now.  I feel maybe a little more like I want my family here because I know that without me there are only my brother and mother back in Calgary which means it is mostly my mother alone in the house with the tv blaring and missing her dead husband, my father. So today I feel like I have lost my will to live and a cancelled free haircut has driven me to nearly giving up on everything.  Sometimes I wonder if the reason why I cling to this thing that is my unfinished thesis is because it is a part of me that began with my father and I feel like if it is over then I am losing part of him. Does that even make sense?   Love,   Michelle D